


Shove it, Stark

by AgentMint



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-30 12:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMint/pseuds/AgentMint
Summary: A series of moments between Peggy Carter and Howard Stark (and later, Tony Stark) over the years.Mentions of steggy and background peggysous, but that is not the point of this story.





	1. 1940-1943

**Author's Note:**

> I started this a while back, but then I read some fics that basically did what I wanted to do, but better, so I put it aside. I recently decided to just finish it up and post it anyway.  
> Those fics are:  
> Backwards and in High Heels: A Biography of Peggy Carter by lit_chick08  
> Peggy & Howard Tumblr Ficlets by M_Leigh
> 
> Any similarities to those are unintentional, and I hope I succeeded in making this enough of my own.  
> The completed story is around 5000 words; this is more like a collection of drabbles than a cohesive story.  
> Also, note that I more or less skip over the time covered in canon CATFA and Agent Carter series.

The first thing Peggy Carter learns about Howard Stark is that his personality is _big_. 

When they meet for the first time, upon her arrival to the New York SSR office, he grins at her like an old friend, spreading his arms open to draw her in for a hug, and she is caught so off-guard she almost steps into it. When she hurriedly sticks her hand out – “Agent Peggy Carter; you must be Howard Stark. We are to be working together on Project Daedalus” – he doesn’t hesitate, but grabs her hand with both of his, pumping generously as he exclaims, “Oh yes, we’re going to have such great fun!”

“I wouldn’t consider anything involving HYDRA ‘great fun’, Mr. Stark.”

“Ugh, it’s Howard, please. And you might say that, but the twinkle in your eye says otherwise,” he winks. “I can tell you’re a gal who relishes the hunt.” 

“Is that so?” she demands, shocked and trying to sound stern. But the effect is ruined by how the corners of her mouth quirk up, and she allows herself to smile. This man, with all his bluster and flirtatious grins, had been able to read her better than anyone else in a long time. 

“Of course. I can also tell you’re a gal who’s down for a fun night on the town. Allow me to show you around?” He raises his eyebrows, winking again, and she shakes her head, chuckling.

“Shove it, _Howard_.” She rolls her eyes for good measure.

(The second thing Peggy Carter learns about Howard Stark is that he’s smarter than he appears, and not just in the engineering sense.)

Much later, on a night after Howard is dead and buried, Director Carter will sit in her office at SHIELD, trying to do as much work as she can before her looming retirement. She’ll look back on this moment and marvel at how young and naïve they were. _Relishing the hunt?_ Really?! She’ll want to punch her past self in the face. But then she’ll think about what she’s doing at that moment, and wonder… has she ever really changed, or is there just no one left to call her out for it?

* * *

As Peggy expected, Howard flirts with all the women he interacts with, making most of them swoon with his well-placed compliments and smooth wit. When he’s not in the lab, he’s usually out dancing with his sweetheart of the week. He flirts with Peggy as well, but it’s a sort of inside joke now, and he grins every time she rolls her eyes and dismisses him with a “shove it, Howard.”

In fact, he never actually flirts with her when they’re at work, or when they’re around other SSR agents, somehow understanding that she doesn’t need him to add to the rumours already floating around about how she earned her role around the commander’s table. It’s how she knows that part of his persona is just that – a persona put on for the benefit of others. It’s also how she realizes he cares about her, and she surprises herself when she realizes she cares about him too, and in fact she might consider him her closest friend.

* * *

Peggy has never believed much in romance, not even when she was with Fred, but that doesn’t mean she deprives herself of intimacy. She’s just much more selective and subtle about it than Howard.

This last one, Peter, well, she knew the relationship wouldn’t last long, but it was fun while it lasted, and it still hurts that he broke it off, not her. The conversation went something like:

“I think it’s better if we ended it; you’re a great girl but I’d enjoy this more if you were actually enjoying it as well.”

She rushed to reassure him that of course she cared for him, but he just gave her a look and said “Peggy, you care more for the box on your desk that delivers your assignments than you do for me. A guy doesn’t like to compete with a stack of papers.” She couldn’t argue with that, so she collected her things and left.

She intended to head back to her own room, but somehow found herself standing outside Howard’s door, the hallway clock reading past 1 am. She gave a couple small timid knocks, softly calling, “Howard? It’s me,” before changing her mind and turning away, but before she could, the door opened to reveal Howard, still in his work clothes and holding an open bottle of rum. He took one look at her, passed her the bottle, and sat her down on his bed.

It’s an hour later, them leaning against the wall next to each other, still passing the bottle back and forth, before Peggy thinks to question what Howard was still doing up, and alone, when she arrived, at the late hour. 

“Alice turned me down,” he says. 

Ah. “Wow that’s a first, you better up your game.”

“Not a first, there’s also you.”

She takes a drink.

“Peggy, I don’t believe we’ve been single at the same time before.”

“Howard, I don’t believe you even understand the concept of being in a relationship.” She turns to face him, expecting him to wink at her or flash one of his signature teasing smiles, but he just looks at her directly in the eyes, seeing her the way only he did. 

“We should try, just in case.”

“Try?” She was going for sarcastic and mocking, but it comes out more nervous and anticipatory, and she hates herself for it. She doesn’t move away when he leans in to kiss her, softer than she would have expected, and she lets herself enjoy it for a moment. She’s drunk and sad and tired, and if she’s to be honest with herself, it’s the best kiss she’s had in ages. But she pulls back, anyway. This isn’t what she wants, and it wouldn’t do to give him the wrong idea. “Nothing, you?”

She studiously ignores how his eyes flutter open and glance down at her lips before leaping back up to her eyes. “Uh, yeah, no, nothing, I mean- damn, Carter, I always knew you had the hots for me, but no can do, sweetie. A man’s gotta have some standards.” This is when the expected wink and lecherous grin appear, and she rolls her eyes and smirks back at him.

“Shove it, Howard.” She raises the bottle to her lips, relieved to be back on familiar territory.

* * *

Afterwards, neither of them ever mentions what happened that night, and occasionally Peggy almost thinks she must have imagined it. Howard continues to ask her on dates, and she continues to refuse, comfortable in their routine. A year becomes two, and they remain close friends and nothing more. But at certain moments when they’re alone, she thinks she catches a glint in his eye that reckons back to that day in his room, before his brain catches up and he turns on the charm once again, and she rolls her eyes once again. She wonders if he might wear her down eventually, she wonders if he truly feels anything for her, and she wonders if perhaps what’s between them is the closest thing to love either of them will ever have.

But then one day Steve Rogers enters her life, and she stops wondering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kiss scene was stolen from a scene in the short film I Ship It, but the characters' feelings in the moment are definitely different.


	2. 1945-1970

After Steve’s radio goes silent, Peggy feels like a piece of herself has been viciously torn out, and her body is left physically unable to function. She curls up on her bed for several days, and takes a moment in between her sobbing to consider just how shocked and unamused her younger self would be if she saw how Agent Peggy Carter had been defeated by love. 

It’s only when Howard knocks on her door – “Peggy, it’s me” - that she crawls out of bed to let him in, because she understands that Howard loved Steve too, in his own way. He hands her a flask and they drink in silence for the man who changed their lives, a sick parody of the last time they drank together on a bed.

It’s only with Howard’s help that she goes back to work, and after she does, just like last time, they never mention that night again.

* * *

It’s VE-Day, and everyone around them is celebrating, but Peggy and Howard stand by the Thames in silence, remembering people and places and times lost to the war. Peggy’s fingers twitch and she can’t tell if she’s itching for a cigarette or to punch someone. However, the only person close enough is Howard, so she reaches into her pocket for her lighter.

“So, Pegs, we made it. How about a kiss in celebration?” She looks at him, and he winks, and she considers punching him after all. But then she realizes he hasn’t joked with her in ages, and she can’t help but feel a little nostalgic. It all rings way too false now though, and she knows Howard feels the same way, so when she doesn’t respond with her usual eyeroll, he barely notices, already turning back to look out blankly at the horizon. She misses their routine, she misses when they were as carefree as the people around them, but most of all she misses Steve. 

Later, she will tell a different story, one of unwanted kisses and even-less-wanted swims in the Thames. Howard will grin and wink at her across the table, Peggy will roll her eyes, and everyone else will guffaw too loudly for her ears.

* * *

Peggy loses contact with Howard after the war for a while. She knows he’s somewhere in the city when she decides to move to New York, but she doesn’t seek him out, and he doesn’t seek her out either. She starts to read in magazines about his dalliances with actresses and models and any and all women, and she wonders if there’s anyone to see past his persona with her gone. After she cleans up his mess with the stolen inventions, and they reunite, she suspects that Jarvis has filled that role to some extent, and she catches herself feeling a bit unreasonably annoyed by it (although there are many other sensible reasons for her to be annoyed at the moment, which would explain why she’s so grumpy). So when Howard jokes about how she had been missing him, she realizes he’s right, and she’d missed him much more than she let herself admit.

“Shove it, Howard,” she says, rolling her eyes, and smiles at how _right_ it feels. 

* * *

Time passes, she finds herself growing to love Daniel, albeit in a different way than Steve, and they get engaged just as she, Howard, and Colonel Phillips put the finishing touches on their plans for SHIELD’s opening. 

The wedding is a cozy and intimate affair, held at Howard’s estate in LA, with just their closest friends and family in attendance. A teary-eyed Angie acts as Peggy’s Maid of Honour, and an equally teary-eyed Colonel Phillips walks her down the aisle. 

A live band plays at the reception, and as Peggy sways with Daniel for their first dance as husband and wife, she feels profoundly grateful to have been given a second chance for true love.

After the band switches to something up-tempo, Daniel chooses to enjoy himself sitting down, and Peggy alternates between joining him and joyfully lighting up the dance floor with each of her guests. 

During Howard’s turn, he twirls her across the dance floor, the two of them giddy from joy and alcohol, while Daniel watches, smiling. Howard dips her and she lets out a yelp, laughing as she rights herself. “I’m happy that you’re happy, Pegs,” he says, suddenly sobering, and she is overcome with emotion at how much she truly appreciates his friendship. “No idea how Danny doesn’t realize he’s definitely too good for you, though. I give it, say, 6 months?” Howard adds, winking over her shoulder at Daniel, and she laughs again. 

“Shove it, Howard!” She punctuates this by literally shoving him and making him stumble, and smirks when Daniel gives her a thumbs-up.

“Aw, Peg, love you too.” Howard grins at her, and she is pleased to note that whatever what-if glint that used to be in his eye had truly ceased to exist at some point over the years. 

“Sure, sure.” She rolls her eyes at him, but her smile betrays her affection. There are many kinds of love, she realizes, and perhaps this kind of love has been between them all along (and so she feels ever more grateful).

* * *

The first couple of years after SHIELD is up and running, it feels just like old times, with Howard and Peggy working together like a well-oiled machine, tracking down and eliminating foreign threats. Then Colonel Phillips steps down from his role as Director, which was always sort of just to pacify those in Washington who didn’t approve of a young British woman in charge of an American intelligence agency, and Peggy starts spending less time out in the field and more time at her desk, as Director Carter. She figures she now has time for children, and she and Daniel welcome first Michael then Diana to the family. Howard starts working on his own projects outside of SHIELD, and they both get sucked into the escalating tension that will come to be known as the Cold War. Between all the things they have going on, many years go by as he and Peggy stop taking the time just to relax.

It’s on one of those rare days, when it’s just the two of them, nursing drinks at the office after a long day, her heels off and his collar loosened, both with grey in their hair, that he asks her out of nowhere, “Wanna go get a drink with me?” 

She gives him a glare. “What do you suppose we’re doing right now?”

“Well usually, going out to get drinks leads to something _else_ , ya know,” his eyebrows wiggling, but his eyes are almost fearful as they look into hers.

She looks away. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve been happily married for almost two decades.”

“That hasn’t stopped some people.”

“Shove it, Howard,” she says, but it’s rusty - she’s rusty - and it no longer feels as natural and comforting as it used to. Neither of them smiles.

“Yes, you’re right, better not.” He takes a long sip of his drink. After a minute or so of silence, he says, “I have another date with Maria this coming weekend. I think I really care for her. She’s real smart, Peg, and funny too. She makes me feel young again.” 

Peggy looks over at him, and sees how he seems almost shocked at the idea that he could be happy. Her face softens. “That’s great, Howard. I hope it works out for you,” she says, and she means it. Of all people, in her mind, Howard Stark most deserves a chance at the happiness she’s found with Daniel.

* * *

When Peggy gets a knock on her door, she looks up, prepared to snap at whatever junior agent who dared disturb her concentration, before seeing it was pitch black outside and the clock on the wall ticking towards midnight. She rubs her eyes, guessing it was the janitor telling her to go home, when Howard opens the door and lets himself in. He falls heavily into the chair across from hers, and she can clearly smell the alcohol on him. 

“What do you want, Howard?”

“I plan to propose to Maria tomorrow.” 

“Oh-” she barely manages to hide her surprise, “congratulations.”

“It hasn’t happened yet.” He peers up into her eyes, looking at her more intently than he should be able to, considering how drunk he seems to be. He seems to be trying to read her, but she’s much more skilled at hiding her thoughts than she used to be, and he looks down again, seemingly disappointed. 

“There’s no way she’ll turn you down.” And it’s true. As unbelievable as it is, Maria Carbonell seems to truly love Howard Stark, and not just his money and charisma, but the real him. After all this time, Peggy is no longer the only woman to truly understand him, and she feels relieved. 

“You turned me down. Say… have you reconsidered?” There’s the infamous wink and grin, but she ignores it. She knows he’s only acting so to cover up his insecurities. Because deep down, that’s what Howard Stark is: profoundly and utterly insecure. She hasn’t rolled her eyes at him in a while now, but she does it now as she stands up and moves to get him out of her office.

“Go home, Howard. Maria loves you, and you love her. Not me. Not...in that way.” He nods as if he needed the reminder, then asks if she’ll be his Best Man. “I don’t think the public exposure would be good for me,” she says, genuinely regretful, and he nods again.

* * *

Howard and Maria’s wedding is an extravagant affair, an event the papers describe as Washington D.C.’s biggest party, with anyone who’s anyone in attendance. Howard and Maria beam at each other the entire evening, and the photographers and reporters go crazy for the woman who finally convinced Howard Stark to settle down. The reception is an exultant whirlwind, full of drunk socialites and confused politicians. The Best Man is one Obadiah Stane, a young and ambitious partner in Stark Industries, who goes on and on about Howard Stark’s profound contributions to America and world-level innovation. Peggy sits at a table in the corner with Daniel and some Howling Commandos, keeping an eye on the entire room as she listens to the saccharine blabber that describes Howard Stark the persona, and not at all the friend she knows. No, better not have had Peggy give a speech, when her list of Howard Stark’s positive attributes would be more along the lines of “he’s very vulnerable deep down” and “he just wants to be loved.” She looks at Maria, resplendent in her sparkling white dress, seeing how the wry smirk on the woman’s face implies that she too doesn’t recognize the man being described in the speech, and Peggy smiles. Perhaps this new Maria Stark can save Howard Stark, in a way that she, Peggy Carter, never could. 

* * *

Michael and Diana have both gone off to college by the time Howard and Maria announce they’re having a child. The media goes nuts, and Peggy notes she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Howard happier, at least not since – well – not since before Steve’s death, she figures. Relations with the Soviets seem to have calmed down enough that she and Daniel have been able to spend more time at Howard’s and Maria’s, and when they ask her and Daniel to be the godparents, she hugs Howard so tightly she isn’t sure which of them is more surprised.

It’s holding baby Tony, swathed in his fluffy blanket, that Peggy starts to believe that they’ll finally all get a chance to relax and enjoy the post-war life everyone else seems to have been living.

After everything that happens next, she’ll sit by herself, drinking in the dark, and wonder if in that moment she jinxed something.


	3. 1970-2000

Peggy watches as Howard and Maria’s marriage begins to unravel, perhaps set in motion by Maria realizing it would take more than a miracle to save Howard Stark from himself. Peggy is disappointed, but she herself never really bothered to try, so who’s she to talk? And between it all, the one who suffers the most is Tony. Howard and Maria both love Tony with all their hearts, but he reminds each too much of the other, and so Howard pushes him onto Maria, who tries harder, but who in the end pushes him onto Peggy, the Jarvises, the nanny, anyone.

The more time Peggy spends with Tony, the less time Howard spends with him, and Peggy sees Tony’s respect for Howard slowly die out. She tries as hard as she can to show Tony the Howard Stark she knows, the caring friend and father, but more and more, the only Howard Stark Tony sees is the one on his television screen. The first time she hears him refer to his father as “Howard,” two weeks before he turns 12, in the same tone of voice she’s heard Howard use to dismiss his lab techs, she feels like someone had punched her in her gut. 

The next day, the first thing she does at work is to head straight to Howard’s lab, send everyone else out, and punch him in his gut. 

“Don’t you dare ruin that boy’s life out of your own stupidity and carelessness, Howard!”

“I’m just trying to protect him, Peggy. He’s so smart – like Maria – and I can’t have him learning how broken his old man is. I’m so lost, Peggy, and he’s so bright, and full of life, and- I would break him, Peggy, I would. It’s better if I first fix-” he waves his hand wearily over whatever gadget he was working on, “everything.”

“You can’t fix everything, but you can fix your relationship with your son. Just talk to him, Howard. If he’s as smart as you say – and he is – then he’ll understand. Spend time with him, work with him on his inventions, compliment him on his achievements! Just tell him you love him, for goodness’ sake!”

“I will, Peg, I promise.” Peggy can see in his eyes that he doesn’t mean it, but she doesn’t push it. Perhaps she’s gotten too good at ignoring what she sees in his eyes. 

* * *

Peggy and Jarvis attend Tony’s MIT graduation alone, Ana having passed away the year earlier. (Howard and Maria attended the funeral with Tony, the only time Peggy had seen them all together in years, and although the three of them were perfectly civil to one another, all trace of their love for one another was nowhere to be seen.) Some of Tony’s friends mistake Peggy for his mother, and one even assumes Jarvis is Howard before his accent gives him away. As Peggy laughs and corrects them, she sees Tony quickly hide a wistful look behind a mask of amusement, and she feels that punch to the gut again.

This time, however, the only thing she can do is take a moment to appreciate Jarvis’ hand on her shoulder, which she knows is to calm his rage as much as it is to calm hers.

* * *

When Peggy gets the call from the police about the car crash, she goes completely numb. Maybe it’s due to her age and experience, or maybe it’s something else, but instead of like with Steve, this time she goes into hyperfocus. Her voice is frighteningly calm as she asks for the details from the officer who thinks her only connection to Howard Stark is as business associate or maybe supervisor. She asks after Tony, and is selfishly grateful he’s already been told, because she does not want him to see her like this, every bit as cold and calculating as Tony has always accused Howard of being. She doesn’t want him to stop thinking of her as Aunt Peggy and start thinking of her as Director Carter (not that he has any idea what SHIELD is – he just thinks she works for some government office), or worse, _Margaret_. She takes control over the police investigation and the media coverage, freezing everything while she flies to New York from the Triskelion. She validates this by claiming Howard’s death as important enough for SHIELD to handle, and no one except Daniel suspects she’s doing it for herself and out of respect for her friends (plural – for no one except Daniel remembers Maria and Jarvis other than as a footnote either). It’s only after she scrutinizes the crime scene herself, and concludes the accident to be indeed an accident, that she passes on the final wrap-ups to her junior agents, and heads over to the Stark Mansion.

The driveway leading up to the main gates of the estate is swarming with reporters, but none of them have found a way past the Stark-built security system. Peggy goes around to the back entrance, and buzzes in, “Hello, Tony? It’s me.” She almost thinks she’ll be ignored, but sure enough, the gates creak open, and when she walks up to the door, it opens to reveal Tony, eyes bloodshot, hair and pyjamas in disarray, and holding a bottle of whiskey. All in all, the situation is painfully familiar, a merge of the two Nights-That-Must-Not-Be-Named, and she can’t seem to get rid of the shrill screaming in her brain. She holds out her arms and Tony steps into them, clinging to her in a way that suggested he didn’t want to ever let go.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, “I came as soon as I could.” And it’s not strictly a lie. 

He lets out a sob, and Peggy leads him into his own house, sitting them both onto a sofa, before she finally lets her own tears begin to fall. The two of them sit there, leaning on each other in silence, sharing his whiskey and crying, until at some point they fall asleep. 

They wake up in a couple hours, to buzzers and alarms, warning them of a fresh wave of invading lawyers and reporters. Peggy screams bloody murder, and after some quick calls, gets everyone to “leave the kid the hell alone for at least one full day you vultures!” She spends the day with Tony, trying to help him point himself in the correct direction to move on, and trying to set herself on the same path. Ana they’d been prepared for, seeing her slowly grow sicker over time, and even with Steve there’d always been the awareness that it was war, and something could always happen. But a car crash… nothing could have prepared her for losing Jarvis, Maria, and Howard, all at once, in a _car crash_. Finally, Tony sends her away, saying he’s “totally fine now” and he “better start figuring out what H- Dad and Mom left in their will.” And even though at his age both she and Howard had already been in the thick of things at the SSR, Peggy can’t help noticing how young Tony looks, while his eyes look much, much older. She also can’t help but notice just how much he looks like Howard at that age, and how he already seems to have perfected that Stark persona, that Stark habit of locking away one’s feelings behind an overly carefree attitude.

“Call me if you need anything,” she says as she leaves, hugging Tony again.

“Yeah I will, promise,” he says, and Peggy doesn’t let him know that he doesn’t fool her – that none of his Stark tricks will work on her. She doesn’t think he’d respond well to more mentions of his father’s broken promises, after all.

* * *

She attends the funeral with Daniel and is unsurprised at how it’s been turned into a hollow, corporate occasion, filled with people she’s never talked to in her life. She’s unsurprised that Maria is barely given time in the proceedings (Does she still have family? Friends? A life apart from Howard? She must, and yet Peggy realizes she doesn’t know much about this woman she used to call a friend.) and she’s unsurprised that Obadiah Stane gives another hollow, corporate speech about Howard’s brilliant accomplishments and his love for Maria. He claims to have known Howard for longer than he has, and Peggy scoffs, but most of the people in the audience don’t know any better. They don’t know of SHIELD, they don’t know of her, and they don’t know what Howard and Maria Stark were really like behind closed doors.

She is surprised, however, to not see Tony at all, except for the time he puts in his token appearance as the son of the deceased when mentioned by Obadiah, and the audience seems to blink in unison when they remember he exists. When she tries to track him down after the ceremony, he’s nowhere to be found. Resigned, she leaves, hoping he finds someone who will see past his outer shell, if he isn’t going to let her be that someone for him, the way she once was for his father.

(Edwin Jarvis elected to not have a funeral, and just left behind instructions to be buried next to his late wife. Peggy and Daniel visit the grave while in New York, to give him their final send-off, and they decide even doing that was much nicer than the shit-fest that was the Starks’ funeral.)

* * *

On Peggy’s return to Washington, she announces her retirement, and begins to detach herself from the organization that had been part of her for more than half of her life. She now spends her time with Daniel and her grandchildren, and sends Tony a card every Christmas and birthday, even as she never receives anything in return. She sees what Stark Industries has become, and although she is slightly worried about what she reads in the papers about Tony, she is happy to know he’s doing well, and at the very least enjoying life. 

One day, she picks up her phone to hear the voice she least expected on the other end.

“Hey Aunt Peggy…” - his voice is adorably sheepish, and she covers her mouth to prevent the gasp of joy from coming out - “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier…but…I couldn’t just not wish my godmother happy birthday on her 80th birthday, now could I? It’s such a big day.” She can now picture the grin on his face, and she lets out a loud chuckle.

“Shove it, Tony.” Perhaps there was hope for the Stark legacy after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and...that's it for my first [sort-of] fic ever!  
> no idea if I will ever post anything else or I'll just stick to my art, but this was something I've really wanted to do just for myself, so thank you very much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @agentkarnstein on tumblr if you want to say hi!  
> I'm normally a fanart sort of person so you can see those under the tag /my-art


End file.
